08-24-2008, 03:38 PM
As you know, i'm new to this sight. I may post a couple of threads just to get things off my chest. Up until about a month ago, ( believe it or not ), I was a very devoted and loyal Baptist / Christian. Very active in the congregation, one step away from becoming a decon. So what happened? Did i give up? or did i wake up?????
I'm going to say it was a 3 part thing that i will try to explain. 1/3 was just plain old frustration ( giving up ), but 2/3's was WAKING UP TO REALITY. None of this may be of interest to anyone, but it might make for interesting reading, so try and stay with me. I no longer believe in God! in any God. I will admit to a higher power greater than myself, but even then it's on the big doubt side, and most likely would have to be proven to me by scientific observation. ( seeing is believing )
I need to put out a little back ground for understanding of where i'm coming from. I will really make it as short as possible. I am 54 years old and on permanent disabilty due to Several Severe illnesses including diabetes and emphesyma, to mention only a couple. I have been married for 30 years to the preachers daughter......A pasture of a 4-square gospel church. Here's the thing. My father was a full blown atheist. We could not even mention God in our house when we were growing up, or else.....
My father was a ww11 alcoholic angry with God veteran who used the F word in every sentence coming out of his mouth. My mother use to say that the war did this to him. He was a golden glove champion in the army and in the state we lived in, and he seemed to enjoy using us kids and my mom as punching bags or for stress relief. He was a really nice guy when he was sober, problem was, he was never sober. He finally abandand the family when i was 6 years old. I would not see him again for 10 years.
I pretty much raised myself on the streets with the gang boys being just about the only family i had. My memories of my dad were not good ones, and i mostly- to this day, remember what he use to say about God.
My mother was always sick ( nervous breakdown ) so my grandmother had to step in and do what she could. Believe me, we were definately below the poverty level, as she worked over 30 years in a laundry. My brothers and i had to take care of ourselves any way we could. To boot, my grandmother was also a very devoted Mormon....( ouch )... So, i grew up with NO RELIGION, and could care less about God. Never even gave him a second thaught or consideration. I did that for 48 years of my life before i thaught of seeking Jesus........
More later if you want...I don't want to bore anyone, but there really is more to my story. Like i said i want to get it off my chest, and tell you why i went from believing to not believing. Thank you for listening.
I'm going to say it was a 3 part thing that i will try to explain. 1/3 was just plain old frustration ( giving up ), but 2/3's was WAKING UP TO REALITY. None of this may be of interest to anyone, but it might make for interesting reading, so try and stay with me. I no longer believe in God! in any God. I will admit to a higher power greater than myself, but even then it's on the big doubt side, and most likely would have to be proven to me by scientific observation. ( seeing is believing )
I need to put out a little back ground for understanding of where i'm coming from. I will really make it as short as possible. I am 54 years old and on permanent disabilty due to Several Severe illnesses including diabetes and emphesyma, to mention only a couple. I have been married for 30 years to the preachers daughter......A pasture of a 4-square gospel church. Here's the thing. My father was a full blown atheist. We could not even mention God in our house when we were growing up, or else.....
My father was a ww11 alcoholic angry with God veteran who used the F word in every sentence coming out of his mouth. My mother use to say that the war did this to him. He was a golden glove champion in the army and in the state we lived in, and he seemed to enjoy using us kids and my mom as punching bags or for stress relief. He was a really nice guy when he was sober, problem was, he was never sober. He finally abandand the family when i was 6 years old. I would not see him again for 10 years.
I pretty much raised myself on the streets with the gang boys being just about the only family i had. My memories of my dad were not good ones, and i mostly- to this day, remember what he use to say about God.
My mother was always sick ( nervous breakdown ) so my grandmother had to step in and do what she could. Believe me, we were definately below the poverty level, as she worked over 30 years in a laundry. My brothers and i had to take care of ourselves any way we could. To boot, my grandmother was also a very devoted Mormon....( ouch )... So, i grew up with NO RELIGION, and could care less about God. Never even gave him a second thaught or consideration. I did that for 48 years of my life before i thaught of seeking Jesus........
More later if you want...I don't want to bore anyone, but there really is more to my story. Like i said i want to get it off my chest, and tell you why i went from believing to not believing. Thank you for listening.